I thought of you today......that's nothing new.......I think of you everyday.....though, today was different. It hit me that next month you would have been turning 30. 12 1/2 years you've been gone. So much time lost. Too much time gone. So many memories missed out on.
30.....such a milestone birthday, and you never got the chance to celebrate. You never got to celebrate any of the milestones. You missed out on so much, and yet you experienced so much in your 17 short years.
I wonder about the man you would have become. The uncle you would have been. The brother you would have continued to be. I know most would say it doesn't do any good to dwell, but still......I wonder........though I know you would have been amazing at anything & everything you did.
I always miss you so much more this time of year, but this year is different. So much has changed. So much will continue to change. And you won't be here to see any of it. Though I know you're always watching me, and looking out for me, it's just not the same.
What am I doing for your birthday this year? Well I'm going to get my hair done. I know maybe that'll sound selfish to some. Maybe it is a little......but, it's exactly what I'll need that day. Daunn is awesome, and will take care of me for the couple hours I'm there, and make me feel good. She'll help me to laugh, and just feel good about myself. I need that a lot these days. I know you'll understand. Then later that day I'll tell Shawna about you. She's still to little to remember what I tell her, but that's ok. I'll tell her every year, always.
I thought of you today.........I missed you today.........I miss you always
