Over YouWeather man said it's gonna snow,
By now I should be used to the cold.
Mid-February shouldn't be so scary.
It was only December,
I still remember the presents,the tree, you and me.
But you went away,
How dare you?
I miss you.
They say I'll be okay,
But I'm not going to ever get over you.
Living alone, here in this place,
I think of you and I'm not afraid.
Your favorite records make me feel better,
Cause you sing along with every song.
I know you didn't mean to give them to me.
But you went away,
How dare you?
I miss you.
They say I'll be okay,
But I'm not going to ever get over you.
It really sinks in, you know,
When I see it in stone
'Cause you went away
How dare you?
I miss you.
They say I'll be okay,
But I'm not going to ever get over you.
It's funny how one song can mean so much. Have such a huge impact on your emotions, and can reduce you to tears in meer seconds. I try so hard to be strong for everyone all the time, and then this song comes on, and I lose it all. Even now I sit here just reading the lyrics, and it hits me so hard in my heart that tears are streaming down my face. Always so careful though to never let anyone see them. I'm not going to ever get over you. I won't ever be ok. I'll put a smile on my face though, and go on the best I can, and not show everyone how much it still hurts every single day. I'll listen to others' problems, and help in anyway I can knowing that I'll never be whole. I'll look at your neice everyday, and hurt over the fact that she'll never know you, but be grateful that you brought her, and her dad to me. Cuz deep down I know it was you that brought them both to me when I needed them most. Even when your not here, you're still taking care of me.
This week has been absolute shit! I try to do something good to turn it around, and its still shit. Today is Thursday, and every single day this week has been crap! That's 4 days that feels like the world has it out for me. I know of course that it's just life, and I'll get through this, and be fine. Just sucks right now in the present having to deal with it all. I also know I'm being emotional, but sometimes it's hard to be any other way. The only thing keeping me going, beside my beautiful daughter & her amazing dad, is that it is almost the weekend!!! And I have a date on Saturday to go shopping with a great friend :) I'm really looking forward to it :)
Ok now that I've sat here and cried, blubbered, and tried to make everyone feel sorry for me I'm going to go for now. Honestly though, I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I just needed to get my emotions out. Whether anyone actually reads this or not doesn't matter. Just getting them outta my head, and heart has helped a lot. I feel like a weight has been lifted some. Maybe not a lot, but right now I'll take anything.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Friday, September 28, 2012
WooHoo!!
So I've started another blog with 2 of my besties. We're using it to help motivate each other to lose weight, and get healthier before my wedding next June. They are also my matron-of-honor, and my bridesmaid. So we all wanna look good for the wedding. Anyways, you will probably start seeing me post on FB through that blog, its called "I'll Be Your Wingman". Not sure how well I can keep both blogs going right now, but no matter what I'll be posting through one or the other, and sharing with all of you on FB.
Not sure where I was weight wise last time I blogged, but as of today I'm down to 217.8 which is down 1.8 lbs from when I weighed in on Tuesday :) I have started Sensa, and am now walking twice a week. I'm finally starting to feel like maybe I can get this weight thing under control a little bit. For those of you who don't know what Sensa is.....you sprinkle these "tastants" on everything you eat, and eventually they help control your appetite so that you don't eat as much. Simple as that. Sprinkle your food, and eat. No need to change what your eating, or what your doing. It says that over time as people start to lose weight from sprinkling that they start to get the energy to exercise. I started it on Sept 5th, and was hoping to maybe be down 5 lbs in my first month, but that's probably not going to happen. Which is totally ok. It's just taken me awhile to get the hang of it. Had to relearn to read my body, and listen to when I'm full, and stop eating. I'm getting there though :)
Ok, time to get some laundry done, and a little house cleaning. I have a purse party & company coming tomorrow!! I can't wait!! Hope to see some of you gals at the purse party. Even if it's just to come hang out :)
Hope everyone has a great weekend!! :)
Not sure where I was weight wise last time I blogged, but as of today I'm down to 217.8 which is down 1.8 lbs from when I weighed in on Tuesday :) I have started Sensa, and am now walking twice a week. I'm finally starting to feel like maybe I can get this weight thing under control a little bit. For those of you who don't know what Sensa is.....you sprinkle these "tastants" on everything you eat, and eventually they help control your appetite so that you don't eat as much. Simple as that. Sprinkle your food, and eat. No need to change what your eating, or what your doing. It says that over time as people start to lose weight from sprinkling that they start to get the energy to exercise. I started it on Sept 5th, and was hoping to maybe be down 5 lbs in my first month, but that's probably not going to happen. Which is totally ok. It's just taken me awhile to get the hang of it. Had to relearn to read my body, and listen to when I'm full, and stop eating. I'm getting there though :)
Ok, time to get some laundry done, and a little house cleaning. I have a purse party & company coming tomorrow!! I can't wait!! Hope to see some of you gals at the purse party. Even if it's just to come hang out :)
Hope everyone has a great weekend!! :)
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Hiding......
So I know it's been awhile since I've posted, but well I've been hiding. Hiding from you all, and hiding from myself. I am up to 220 lbs, and I'm no happy about it at all! I don't know what to do. Seems like the more I try to eat better, the more weight I gain, the more bummed I feel & then my appetite goes crazy! It's that time of the month right now & I swear I can't stop eating!!! I've always been bad the week before, but ever since I started having periods after having Shawna I am famished the week before & the week of. I don't get it! I wish it would stop though :(
Got so much going on right now. Trying to plan a wedding from out of state, my MOH is in Colorado, my BM is in Montana & its just not working!!! GRRRRRR!!! I can't find a freaking venue that won't cost me an arm & a leg. Haven't gotten colors picked out. Can't decide on flowers. And.............................blah!!!!
Ok, I so can't concentrate on this tonight. At least I've posted something, and updated everyone on my shitty weight gain. Hoping my body will figure out what it wants to do soon. Either that or I need to get my head outta my ass & do something.
Got so much going on right now. Trying to plan a wedding from out of state, my MOH is in Colorado, my BM is in Montana & its just not working!!! GRRRRRR!!! I can't find a freaking venue that won't cost me an arm & a leg. Haven't gotten colors picked out. Can't decide on flowers. And.............................blah!!!!
Ok, I so can't concentrate on this tonight. At least I've posted something, and updated everyone on my shitty weight gain. Hoping my body will figure out what it wants to do soon. Either that or I need to get my head outta my ass & do something.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Tired.......
Weigh in this morning......215.8!!! Now that's not down a lot from my last post, but it's still down, and that's all that matters! :)
So I've got a new plan of attach. We have finally set a date for the wedding......June 15, 2013!!! What I am aiming for now is to lose 1 pound a week until the wedding. Had I thought of this all a little sooner then I could have tried to lose 52 pounds, but that's ok. I'm about 6 weeks behind, so that leaves me with 46 pounds I can potentially lose. 46 pounds would be huge to me!! Would make me feel so much better, and make me feel & look better for the wedding. Now in theory 1 lb a week shouldn't be a big deal right??? Wrong! So I'm gonna need all the help, and encouragement I can get! If anyone has any ideas I am all ears! I really need to start walking. I know that will help a bunch, and I know I say this is almost every post. It's just hard for me to motivate myself. I've always been that way. I can motivate someone else, but not myself. 'llI get it figured out though, cuz I really do want to try & lose 46 lbs before the wedding.
The trip home was awesome!! Shawna did amazing on the drive down & back. Down was super easy cuz it was night time. The trip back though she did just as good! I am so proud of her. I can honestly say that there aren't many people know from either side of her family that she hasn't met! LOL!! We got in Saturday morning to my folks place at about 530am. Slept for a bit, then it was off to my Aunt Janice's for a family reunion bbq. After that we drove 2 hours to my Grandma's house & stayed the night with her. Sunday morning my Uncle Mark & his wife came to visit us at Grandma's house. About noon we took of for Brannen's Grandpa's (Shawna's great-grandpa that she share's her birthday with) and spent the rest of the day with his family. Headed back to my folks place late that night, and then spent all day Monday with them. Had some friends come by for a bit whose daughter was also born the same day as Shawna :) I think they will forever be friends. Within a few minutes of being around each other they were cooing together, crying at the same time, and eating at the same time. It was too cute!!
Unfortunately there wasn't enough time to see everyone, and there were SO MANY that I wanted to see. Really wish we could get home for a whole week, but it's hard for Brannen to get that much time off. Maybe I'll just have to make a trip without him. We'll see though.
Some quick info on the wedding. Again, it's going to be June 15th, and it will be in Idaho. Originally we were thinking it was going to be in the Twin Falls area, but now we're thinking the Boise area somewhere. With my folks living there it'll just make it easier. Having some place to set things up, have a base center, and just some place to stay that won't cost money. We're currently looking into places to have the ceremony & reception at in the area. If you know of anywhere please let me know! As we get closer, and I have more info I'll be sure to post it :) I should have just about everyone's address from the baby shower's. We would love for everyone to be there, but understand that most people from Washington probably aren't able to make it. I'm thinking what we may do is have a reception of sorts here in Washington sometime after the wedding. That way everyone can come hang out with us, and help us celebrate :)
That's it for today. Will try to post again later this week. Love y'all!!!
So I've got a new plan of attach. We have finally set a date for the wedding......June 15, 2013!!! What I am aiming for now is to lose 1 pound a week until the wedding. Had I thought of this all a little sooner then I could have tried to lose 52 pounds, but that's ok. I'm about 6 weeks behind, so that leaves me with 46 pounds I can potentially lose. 46 pounds would be huge to me!! Would make me feel so much better, and make me feel & look better for the wedding. Now in theory 1 lb a week shouldn't be a big deal right??? Wrong! So I'm gonna need all the help, and encouragement I can get! If anyone has any ideas I am all ears! I really need to start walking. I know that will help a bunch, and I know I say this is almost every post. It's just hard for me to motivate myself. I've always been that way. I can motivate someone else, but not myself. 'llI get it figured out though, cuz I really do want to try & lose 46 lbs before the wedding.
The trip home was awesome!! Shawna did amazing on the drive down & back. Down was super easy cuz it was night time. The trip back though she did just as good! I am so proud of her. I can honestly say that there aren't many people know from either side of her family that she hasn't met! LOL!! We got in Saturday morning to my folks place at about 530am. Slept for a bit, then it was off to my Aunt Janice's for a family reunion bbq. After that we drove 2 hours to my Grandma's house & stayed the night with her. Sunday morning my Uncle Mark & his wife came to visit us at Grandma's house. About noon we took of for Brannen's Grandpa's (Shawna's great-grandpa that she share's her birthday with) and spent the rest of the day with his family. Headed back to my folks place late that night, and then spent all day Monday with them. Had some friends come by for a bit whose daughter was also born the same day as Shawna :) I think they will forever be friends. Within a few minutes of being around each other they were cooing together, crying at the same time, and eating at the same time. It was too cute!!
Unfortunately there wasn't enough time to see everyone, and there were SO MANY that I wanted to see. Really wish we could get home for a whole week, but it's hard for Brannen to get that much time off. Maybe I'll just have to make a trip without him. We'll see though.
Some quick info on the wedding. Again, it's going to be June 15th, and it will be in Idaho. Originally we were thinking it was going to be in the Twin Falls area, but now we're thinking the Boise area somewhere. With my folks living there it'll just make it easier. Having some place to set things up, have a base center, and just some place to stay that won't cost money. We're currently looking into places to have the ceremony & reception at in the area. If you know of anywhere please let me know! As we get closer, and I have more info I'll be sure to post it :) I should have just about everyone's address from the baby shower's. We would love for everyone to be there, but understand that most people from Washington probably aren't able to make it. I'm thinking what we may do is have a reception of sorts here in Washington sometime after the wedding. That way everyone can come hang out with us, and help us celebrate :)
That's it for today. Will try to post again later this week. Love y'all!!!
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Good & not so good........
I didn't get a chance to post last week so I'm covering that, and today's weigh in. Last week was really good! Wednesday I was up to 215.6, and by Saturday I was back down to 215.2!! Yay!! So over all I just stayed the same. Now today's weigh in.......not as good. I went up exactly 1 pound! 216.2........least it's not more! I'm honestly not surprised at all. I had my visitor all last week, and I swear to God you'd have thought my throat had been seperated from my stomach. I COULD NOT stop eating!! It's finally passed though, and I'm starting to get my eating back to normal. Hoping that by Friday I can get that pound back off.
Heading for Idaho this weekend. SO excited first off to get away for the weekend & just to be home.....I miss my home. Second, for our families to finally meet Shawna :) The trip down itself should be a little interesting, but fingers crossed it goes well. We'll be going down Friday night after work, so I'm hoping Shawna sleeps through most of it. The trip back on the other hand will be during the day. We'll make do though.
Kind of in a funk tonight. Not 100% sure why. I know some of it, but not sure what else has got me. Anymore I feel like I'm always just sitting here by myself. Brannen works his ass off, and needs/deserves all the sleep he can get. I just miss having him, or anyone, to talk to at night when I'm not tired, and ready for bed when he is. It's not just the nights either. Most days I find myself feeling lonely, and wishing for someone to talk to, or do something with. Of course Shawna does her best to keep me company, and talk to me, but well there's only so much a 2 month old can do to help out ;) lol!! And it's not like all I do is sit around the house doing nothing. I'm working part-time 3 days a week, and the other 2 days I'm usually on the go, or doing something around the house. I rarely ever just sit here anymore & do nothing. Just no one to do any of it with. Sucks when all your friends are scattered across the U.S. I know I know....I need to just get over myself. Your all probably right.........
Heading for Idaho this weekend. SO excited first off to get away for the weekend & just to be home.....I miss my home. Second, for our families to finally meet Shawna :) The trip down itself should be a little interesting, but fingers crossed it goes well. We'll be going down Friday night after work, so I'm hoping Shawna sleeps through most of it. The trip back on the other hand will be during the day. We'll make do though.
Kind of in a funk tonight. Not 100% sure why. I know some of it, but not sure what else has got me. Anymore I feel like I'm always just sitting here by myself. Brannen works his ass off, and needs/deserves all the sleep he can get. I just miss having him, or anyone, to talk to at night when I'm not tired, and ready for bed when he is. It's not just the nights either. Most days I find myself feeling lonely, and wishing for someone to talk to, or do something with. Of course Shawna does her best to keep me company, and talk to me, but well there's only so much a 2 month old can do to help out ;) lol!! And it's not like all I do is sit around the house doing nothing. I'm working part-time 3 days a week, and the other 2 days I'm usually on the go, or doing something around the house. I rarely ever just sit here anymore & do nothing. Just no one to do any of it with. Sucks when all your friends are scattered across the U.S. I know I know....I need to just get over myself. Your all probably right.........
Friday, July 6, 2012
Lots of water.........
So Tuesday's weigh in did not go well. I stepped on the scales to see 218.6 pop up........WHAT??? OMG??? That can't be right?!?! Well once I calmed down, and thought it through I remembered something someone told me one time, that you can't gain 3 pounds in 3 days. That if the scales shows that it means you have water weight. So at that point I start to feel better knowing that there is hope to see a better number on Friday (today) So all week long I have been drinking water like it's going outta style. Ok......not really, but I have been getting a good amount in so I could get my system flushed out. So this morning I get on the scale, and I'm back down to 215.2!! WooHoo!!! Over all, no actual weight loss, but at least I didn't actually gain those 3 lbs either ;)
Shawna was 2 months old yesterday. Where does the time go? I know I know, it'll go faster & faster all the time. I'm tryin to take as many picture's as I can so I have something to look back on. My folks came into town late last night for the weekend. First time my dad has seen her, and let me just say......it was love at first sight :) Miss Shawna already has her Grandpa Brown wrapped around her little finger :) It's so cute.......I'll have her in her bouncy chair, and he'll go stand next to her, or infront of her & just talk to her. Or if she's laying in her playpen (which is next to the couch) he'll go sit on the very edge closest to the playpen, and just watch her or talk to her if she's fussy or if she's just chattering :) I do believe our family has changed forever :) LOL!!
Well I do believe I'm gonna keep this short, and take myself to bed. Hope everyone had a good week, and has an even better weekend ahead! Love y'all!!!
Shawna was 2 months old yesterday. Where does the time go? I know I know, it'll go faster & faster all the time. I'm tryin to take as many picture's as I can so I have something to look back on. My folks came into town late last night for the weekend. First time my dad has seen her, and let me just say......it was love at first sight :) Miss Shawna already has her Grandpa Brown wrapped around her little finger :) It's so cute.......I'll have her in her bouncy chair, and he'll go stand next to her, or infront of her & just talk to her. Or if she's laying in her playpen (which is next to the couch) he'll go sit on the very edge closest to the playpen, and just watch her or talk to her if she's fussy or if she's just chattering :) I do believe our family has changed forever :) LOL!!
Well I do believe I'm gonna keep this short, and take myself to bed. Hope everyone had a good week, and has an even better weekend ahead! Love y'all!!!
Friday, June 29, 2012
Well Crap........
215.2.........that's my number for today. I'm up a little over a pound. Yes it could be worse, but it sure as hell could have been a lot better!! I know what part of the problem was. We had pizza last night, which for the most part was fine, but it was the brownie I had for dessert at 9pm last night that's not doing me any favors. Oh well.......live & learn I guess. Tomorrow is a new day!
I do know though that I've got to find some motivation from somewhere to start exercising. I'm getting married sometime next year, and I refuse to be a "fat" bride again. I want to beable to wear something really cute! Am I ever gonna be super skinny?? No! Am I ok with that? Hell yes!! I don't want to be super skinny....blak! I just want to be thinner. Like where I was shortly after my divorce. I felt good & I looked pretty good. I could shop for normal size clothes in regular stores, and actually get some cute things. I'm not doing the normal wedding dress this time. I asked Brannen if he wanted/needed to see me in that at our wedding, and he said no. Said as long as I was there to marry him he didn't care what I wore :) Isn't he the greatest!! Anyways, so I just wanna find something really cute to wear. Kinda country, but kinda beachy. Yes I know......those 2 don't really go together. Well I'm gonna make them go together!! LOL!!
Well Shawna has started fussing so I'm gonna cut this short. If anyone has any good ways to get yourself motivated to even just get out for a walk, PLEASE I am all ears!! :) Happy Friday y'all!
I do know though that I've got to find some motivation from somewhere to start exercising. I'm getting married sometime next year, and I refuse to be a "fat" bride again. I want to beable to wear something really cute! Am I ever gonna be super skinny?? No! Am I ok with that? Hell yes!! I don't want to be super skinny....blak! I just want to be thinner. Like where I was shortly after my divorce. I felt good & I looked pretty good. I could shop for normal size clothes in regular stores, and actually get some cute things. I'm not doing the normal wedding dress this time. I asked Brannen if he wanted/needed to see me in that at our wedding, and he said no. Said as long as I was there to marry him he didn't care what I wore :) Isn't he the greatest!! Anyways, so I just wanna find something really cute to wear. Kinda country, but kinda beachy. Yes I know......those 2 don't really go together. Well I'm gonna make them go together!! LOL!!
Well Shawna has started fussing so I'm gonna cut this short. If anyone has any good ways to get yourself motivated to even just get out for a walk, PLEASE I am all ears!! :) Happy Friday y'all!
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Checking in.....
So today was a weigh in day.......not great, but not bad. I am down, so that's a plus! :) Last Friday I weighed in at 214. Today I was 213.6, so a loss of .4 lbs. Like I said, not great....but not bad. I'm gonna take it! Any loss is better than gain any day :) My biggest thing is the exercising. Well, and the eating better.
I was doing really great on the eating part, and now all of the sudden my appetite is reverting back to wanting all the crappy food. And I don't even mean fast food type of crappy food. For me it's more of the sweet's. I get a sweet tooth at times that starts to take over my life. I'm one of those types of people who starts to crave "something" but can't seem to figure out what that something is, so I try everything in the process to figure it out. What does that mean for my waist line? CRAP!! I try so hard to just not eat a bunch of sweets, but of course the harder I try not to then the more I want them. Yes I know, don't deny yourself cuz then you'll bing. I know I know! The problem is though, again, half the time I don't know what sweet it is that I want. So I walk around all day trying tons of different sweets in search of the one my body wants. Gah!!! Drives me nuts!
As for the exercising......well I suck at it! Just tonight at dinner I told everyone (Brannen's sister & nephew are visiting) that I was going to talk the baby & go for a walk after dinner, did anyone want to go with me. I knew Brannen wouldn't want to, but thought maybe the kids would. Well they didn't feel up to it so what happened in the end?? I DIDN'T GO!! :( Damn! Now I'm not saying I don't get any exercise in at all, cuz I do. First off I'm lifting a baby up & down all day long. I am now working 3 days a week, and that in itself is a workout, as the office is up a huge flight of strairs. So those 3 days a week I'm definitely getting my stair climbing in. I'm usually up & down those damn stairs at least 3 times each time I'm there, which is good! I hate stair climbing machines at the gym, but if I can do regular stairs & not have to think about it then I do great. Just need to get myself motivated to start walking on my off days.
So now that I've rambled on, and haven't made much sense to anyone other than myself. I'm going to head to bed. My babe, and baby are already there :)
I was doing really great on the eating part, and now all of the sudden my appetite is reverting back to wanting all the crappy food. And I don't even mean fast food type of crappy food. For me it's more of the sweet's. I get a sweet tooth at times that starts to take over my life. I'm one of those types of people who starts to crave "something" but can't seem to figure out what that something is, so I try everything in the process to figure it out. What does that mean for my waist line? CRAP!! I try so hard to just not eat a bunch of sweets, but of course the harder I try not to then the more I want them. Yes I know, don't deny yourself cuz then you'll bing. I know I know! The problem is though, again, half the time I don't know what sweet it is that I want. So I walk around all day trying tons of different sweets in search of the one my body wants. Gah!!! Drives me nuts!
As for the exercising......well I suck at it! Just tonight at dinner I told everyone (Brannen's sister & nephew are visiting) that I was going to talk the baby & go for a walk after dinner, did anyone want to go with me. I knew Brannen wouldn't want to, but thought maybe the kids would. Well they didn't feel up to it so what happened in the end?? I DIDN'T GO!! :( Damn! Now I'm not saying I don't get any exercise in at all, cuz I do. First off I'm lifting a baby up & down all day long. I am now working 3 days a week, and that in itself is a workout, as the office is up a huge flight of strairs. So those 3 days a week I'm definitely getting my stair climbing in. I'm usually up & down those damn stairs at least 3 times each time I'm there, which is good! I hate stair climbing machines at the gym, but if I can do regular stairs & not have to think about it then I do great. Just need to get myself motivated to start walking on my off days.
So now that I've rambled on, and haven't made much sense to anyone other than myself. I'm going to head to bed. My babe, and baby are already there :)
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Newish life........
Mom.....mommy....momma......all names I never thought I'd hear myself being called. I LOVE THEM ALL!! Little Miss Shawna Michele has stole my heart & has me wrapped around her finger. Her daddy too ;) lol!!! Everyone always says, once you have a baby your life changes, and their 100% right! Though you have no way of understanding that concept until it happens to you.
So far I love everything about being a mom. The getting up every 3 hours through out the night. The poopy diapers. The fussiness & crying. LOVE ALL OF IT!! LOL!! Don't get my wrong I would totally love for her to sleep through the night, but to me this is all part of the experience :)
I have gone back to work part-time, and am able to take her with me. It is great! She stays with her daddy on Monday's, but then Wednesday & Friday's she goes with me. I'm able to get outta the house & make some extra money, but still have her with me. Then that one day a week I get some me time! :) I wouldn't want it any other way!!!
So now that she is here, and life is getting back to "normal" I am starting to concentrate on getting back to a healthier weight. I can tell already that she is going to keep me on my toes & that means being able to chase her around without running out of breath :) LOL!! Thankfully I am already down below where I was before I got pregnant with her. Definitely makes this a lot easier, and a lot more motivating. Pinterest is an amazing thing, and I am finding all kinds of healthy recipes as well as some good home excersices. Now I've just gotta get my butt in gear, and do it!! LOL!! I think I might post about my progress on here, as to help keep me accountable for whats going on. I may not always go into much depth about whats going on, but at least by telling you guys how I'm doing I have to fess up if I put weight on.....lol ;) So from time to time if y'all haven't heard from me in the way of a blog post just nudge me a little, and ask me how I'm doing :)
So....to get this started I will start with that I was 220 lbs when I got pregnant with her. I gained 18 lbs through the course of my pregnancy putting me at 238 (my highest weight ever!) As of Friday I was 214 lbs. Not too bad! :) My first mini goal is to be under 200 lbs which means I need to hit 199. I will try to remember to post every time I weigh, which is twice a week, but if that doesn't happen I will try to post at least once a week about what happened for the week.
That being said I am going to go cuddle with my baby girl, and my man :)
So far I love everything about being a mom. The getting up every 3 hours through out the night. The poopy diapers. The fussiness & crying. LOVE ALL OF IT!! LOL!! Don't get my wrong I would totally love for her to sleep through the night, but to me this is all part of the experience :)
I have gone back to work part-time, and am able to take her with me. It is great! She stays with her daddy on Monday's, but then Wednesday & Friday's she goes with me. I'm able to get outta the house & make some extra money, but still have her with me. Then that one day a week I get some me time! :) I wouldn't want it any other way!!!
So now that she is here, and life is getting back to "normal" I am starting to concentrate on getting back to a healthier weight. I can tell already that she is going to keep me on my toes & that means being able to chase her around without running out of breath :) LOL!! Thankfully I am already down below where I was before I got pregnant with her. Definitely makes this a lot easier, and a lot more motivating. Pinterest is an amazing thing, and I am finding all kinds of healthy recipes as well as some good home excersices. Now I've just gotta get my butt in gear, and do it!! LOL!! I think I might post about my progress on here, as to help keep me accountable for whats going on. I may not always go into much depth about whats going on, but at least by telling you guys how I'm doing I have to fess up if I put weight on.....lol ;) So from time to time if y'all haven't heard from me in the way of a blog post just nudge me a little, and ask me how I'm doing :)
So....to get this started I will start with that I was 220 lbs when I got pregnant with her. I gained 18 lbs through the course of my pregnancy putting me at 238 (my highest weight ever!) As of Friday I was 214 lbs. Not too bad! :) My first mini goal is to be under 200 lbs which means I need to hit 199. I will try to remember to post every time I weigh, which is twice a week, but if that doesn't happen I will try to post at least once a week about what happened for the week.
That being said I am going to go cuddle with my baby girl, and my man :)
Friday, January 13, 2012
Friday the 13th.......
So today is Friday the 13th.....dun dun dun!!! LOL!! Surprisingly enough it's been a pretty damn good day. For about an hour starting at 3pm I was ready to kill a couple of the guys from here at work, and ready to pull the phone cord from the way, but I made it & am now on the downhill slope of the day :)
I am so ready for this weekend to start!! Gonna start it off right by going to play cards tonight with some friends. Then tomorrow going to head down to the Kitsap area to see a few other friends before we check into our jacuzzi room!! :) WooHoo!! I'm so freakin excited I can hardly stand it! Gonna actually beable to get my whole pregnant body down into the water for a good relaxing soak :) Then on Sunday we will probably head back down to Silverdale to get registered at Target for the baby. Seeings as how people keep asking me what to get us, and I don't have a clue! lol!
Not too much else to report right now. Hope everyone has a great weekend. I know I'm gonna!! :)
I am so ready for this weekend to start!! Gonna start it off right by going to play cards tonight with some friends. Then tomorrow going to head down to the Kitsap area to see a few other friends before we check into our jacuzzi room!! :) WooHoo!! I'm so freakin excited I can hardly stand it! Gonna actually beable to get my whole pregnant body down into the water for a good relaxing soak :) Then on Sunday we will probably head back down to Silverdale to get registered at Target for the baby. Seeings as how people keep asking me what to get us, and I don't have a clue! lol!
Not too much else to report right now. Hope everyone has a great weekend. I know I'm gonna!! :)
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
It's been way to long!!
Wow!! I can't believe how long it's been since I last posted. SOOOO much has changed....lol!! I've moved, started a new job, Brannen started a new job, and we're expecting our first baby!! WooHoo!! Though anyone who reads this already knows all this information, and if for some reason they don't then dang!! Where have you been?!?!
I honestly don't even know where to start or what to type. Things have been good, and bad lately. A lot of that is the pregnancy though. Hormones running crazy! Though I had a good friend tell me today that I should never let the thought of my "hormones" over ride what I'm feeling, cuz a lot of times my feelings are valid. Just the pregnancy hormones may be making me more in-tune with what others are doing and/or making me sensitive to it all. I like what she said, and I'm taking it to heart. Lately I have been down playing a lot of what I've been feeling, cuz I assumed it was just my hormones being stupid, but now I'm not so sure.
Yesterday was one of the worst days I've had in a very long time. Even post pregnancy! I woke up with anxiety like no other! And I'm not the type of person who gets anxiety. I can only think of one other time that I got it like this, and that was shortly after losing both of my grandpa's. I think at that point it just all caught up with me, and anxiety is how my body dealt with it. Anyways, yesterday I woke up with it, and just could not shake it. I cried in the shower. Got out & Brannen asked me if I was ok, and I cried again. Then I went, and did my hair & makeup came back into the bedroom and he wrapped his arms around me to give me a hug & say its ok and I lost it again. I finally made it to work, and wasn't here 30 minutes, and my mom called & I lost it on the phone with her. I felt so bad! *I love you Mom!!!* Needless to say this kept up most of the day. Brannen was never gone from my side for very long though, which I was extremely greatful for! I was so glad yesterday was his day off, cuz I honestly don't know what I would have done without him there comforting me like he was.
Today has been better. I woke up in a pretty good mood, but then it went downhill. I feel like no one cares that I'm pregnant. I know I know, people do care. It just seems like the people who do care are all the people who don't live close to me. Again, I know that the people near me do care, they just have their own way of showing it. Also I think I've glamourized it all a little too much in my head, and have been expecting too much of people. Who knows! It's just that I have other friends who are pregnant too, and I see how their family & friends are, and I want the same. Anyways after a good long talk with a great friend (same friend who said not to discount my feelings to hormones) I have been feeling a lot better the rest of the day :)
So to conclude this way long post :) I'm going to try and start posting on here more. I think maybe getting at least some of my feelings out through here will help me feel better. You don't have to agree with what I have to say. You don't even have to like it. But the beauty of it is, this is MY blog and I can post what I want. Please feel free to comment how ever you see fit though, and we'll see what happens! :)
I honestly don't even know where to start or what to type. Things have been good, and bad lately. A lot of that is the pregnancy though. Hormones running crazy! Though I had a good friend tell me today that I should never let the thought of my "hormones" over ride what I'm feeling, cuz a lot of times my feelings are valid. Just the pregnancy hormones may be making me more in-tune with what others are doing and/or making me sensitive to it all. I like what she said, and I'm taking it to heart. Lately I have been down playing a lot of what I've been feeling, cuz I assumed it was just my hormones being stupid, but now I'm not so sure.
Yesterday was one of the worst days I've had in a very long time. Even post pregnancy! I woke up with anxiety like no other! And I'm not the type of person who gets anxiety. I can only think of one other time that I got it like this, and that was shortly after losing both of my grandpa's. I think at that point it just all caught up with me, and anxiety is how my body dealt with it. Anyways, yesterday I woke up with it, and just could not shake it. I cried in the shower. Got out & Brannen asked me if I was ok, and I cried again. Then I went, and did my hair & makeup came back into the bedroom and he wrapped his arms around me to give me a hug & say its ok and I lost it again. I finally made it to work, and wasn't here 30 minutes, and my mom called & I lost it on the phone with her. I felt so bad! *I love you Mom!!!* Needless to say this kept up most of the day. Brannen was never gone from my side for very long though, which I was extremely greatful for! I was so glad yesterday was his day off, cuz I honestly don't know what I would have done without him there comforting me like he was.
Today has been better. I woke up in a pretty good mood, but then it went downhill. I feel like no one cares that I'm pregnant. I know I know, people do care. It just seems like the people who do care are all the people who don't live close to me. Again, I know that the people near me do care, they just have their own way of showing it. Also I think I've glamourized it all a little too much in my head, and have been expecting too much of people. Who knows! It's just that I have other friends who are pregnant too, and I see how their family & friends are, and I want the same. Anyways after a good long talk with a great friend (same friend who said not to discount my feelings to hormones) I have been feeling a lot better the rest of the day :)
So to conclude this way long post :) I'm going to try and start posting on here more. I think maybe getting at least some of my feelings out through here will help me feel better. You don't have to agree with what I have to say. You don't even have to like it. But the beauty of it is, this is MY blog and I can post what I want. Please feel free to comment how ever you see fit though, and we'll see what happens! :)
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